Highlights & Real Life

Why do I keep comparing your highlight reel to my behind-the-scenes real life?  

I love seeing your pictures. I love the vacations pics, the killer workouts and progression, the smiling kiddos, the beautiful beach pictures, perfectly made dinners on the table and your best selfies. I love seeing all of your adventures too. 

But here's what I'm sometimes missing - those are only your highlights. Those are the moments you and I choose to share with the world on social media. They are a part of the story, not necessarily the entire story.  If I know there's more to my story than what I'm sharing with you (and I'm sure it's the same with yours!) then why do we compare others' highlights to our behind-the-scenes real life?

Why do I keep doing it? I think it's the same reason everyone back then was keeping up with the Joneses. Who are the Joneses in the first place? And why are we struggling and sacrificing to keep up with people we don't even really know?  

Within a few minutes of scrolling through my Instagram or FB feed, I'm inadvertently making a presumption on what I think your real life is like and assuming that I need what you have to make mine better. Isn't that where the trouble begins?

I start to lose perspective on the blessings that God has given me. All of a sudden the things that have been entrusted to me get a second rate. They are no longer as great as they were and now need to be upgraded at my (or someone else's!) expense.  

Here's what I'm learning in the midst of living my real-time, behind-the-scenes life: 

1) Comparision is the thief of all joy. It takes away our contentment with who/what we have. The fastest way to flip a feeling of blessing upside down is to look around and realize what you don't have. Don't do it. Take time to be grateful for your life, your people, and your things. As often times, you and I are doing and giving our best with what we have. Let's make time to write down our blessings. It can begin as simple as thanking God for the Keurig coffee pot, the cute ceramic Starbucks mug and the hot coffee to get your day started. Start small. Try it! When we're grateful, it changes our perspective to focus on the One who provides the blessings and makes life a lot more fun! 

2) What we display on social media isn't always the full story. I wish it was, but it's not. Let's be honest. Do you share every detail of your life? Of course not and we wouldn't want you to! The last two of my three vacations were interrupted with crisis. Did I share that? No, I posted the best picture of the beach to remind me how great life truly is. And it is! But it's also so stinkin' challenging too. Keep in mind that we're giving and sharing a little snapshot of our lives and don't always get to see or post the entire story line and pictures. 

3) If we begin to want her best, we also have to take her worst. When we begin to want someone else's best (their highlights!), we have to be ready to take on their worst. We can't have one without the other. I had a friend jokingly say, "I wish I was you!" as she knows better. Yes, life is a lot of fun right now, but it hasn't come without loss, costs, challenges and sacrifice.

Keep that in mind as everyone has a full story! Social media isn't real life. It's only a small reflection of our lives as "real life" is meant to be done with your people - yes, the ones right in front of you.

If you find yourself stuck in someone else highlights, take time to get to know them. Ask, meet, and do life with them to find out the rest of the story as you may be surprised! 

Please don't stop sharing your photos! Please post them, tag me and let me "like" them with a grateful and compassionate heart for you! 

Thinking of your highlight reel, what's one piece of advice you'd give to those on the outside looking in?

xoxo
Jes

P.S. See that picture above? Highlight scene: Punta Cana vacation in the Dominican Republic Memorial Day weekend 2016. Real life scene: Celebrating my Dad's birthday, my youngest brother's birthday, and giving a eulogy at my childhood bestie's funeral all in the same week to then catch a flight to the DR for a wedding.What a real and crazy week of my life!

"Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great gain. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave. Be sure to guard what God has entrusted to you." 1 Timothy 6:6-7,20a

"Love must be sincere. Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other genuinely and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality." Romans 12:9-13

Breaking up with Perfection

It's official. I'm calling it quits with perfectionism. Perfect(ism) and I have had a relationship go on just a little too long and it's finally time to break up.  

As a first-born and big sister boss of two brothers, striving for perfection has been in my world many years. I've wanted things to go my way and be nice and tidy, and perfect as it should be. Cheerleading captain - check. High school honors - check. Full college scholarship - check. Study abroad - check. Cool first job - check. Cute guy - check. Adorable house near the beach - check. Perfection has been this elusive, ideal version of myself and my world that I've been constantly chasing for years, that is, until things didn't go the way I had planned. My white-picket fence, southern story-book life was turned upside down and has never quite been the same since. Yet, as much as I know life isn't perfect, I still want it to be. 

As I want things to go the way I planned and had hoped them to be reality sets in again - my world, your world, our world and our people aren't perfect...and neither are we! So we get let down and disappointed, we burn the cookies, stain the dress, knock over the glass or miss the cue...and sometimes when those things don't go as planned our feelings get hurt and hearts get broken. 

Each unperfect [marred] expectation leaves a little mark of disappointment, discouragement, and discontentment on my heart. It can easily end up hurting my relationships, friendships and teammates; my things (vacations, projects and parties), and my hopes and my dreams. When things don't turn out exactly how I wanted, I can find myself not enjoying the blessing of opportunity that I do have right in front of me. 

We won't ever be perfect this side of heaven. We're banged up, fearfully and wonderfully made, imperfect people trying to be perfect, trying to make perfect and we are wearing ourselves out! 

So in the break-up (and you're welcome to join me!), I'm learning to trade in perfection for excellence. 

Whoa. What? 

Hear me out: Excellence is a talent or quality that is unusually good and surpasses ordinary standards. Wikipedia goes on to say that excellence is a moving target that can be pursued with actions of integrity. Perfection on the other hand is something of absolute completeness and flawlessness, correct in every detail. 

While I can't always do things perfectly every single time, but I can commit to doing them with excellence each time. Doing something extremely well, with integrity and my best might gives way for the opportunity to let my perfect, not-so-perfect expectations off the hook. With this perspective, it even leaves room for a little grace and celebration with and for our people. So things didn't go perfectly, BUT I gave it my very best and she did too. I did what I could to the best of my ability with great preparation and effort..and while that _______ didn't go quite as I had planned, it still was good. What's not to be proud of then? 

So who's with me? May we strive for excellence over perfection and live a life of doing things well.  

xoxo
Jes

 “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.” Colossians‬ ‭3:23-24‬ 

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:8-11

#SmallisBigChallenge

Over the past couple weeks, I've been writing and posting from the Heart Magazine #SmallisBigChallenge. Each day is associated with a word and a challenge to find grace, love and appreciation in the smallest.  

I've loved it! It's made me take time out of my day to think about and reflect on the littles (and bigs!) of my life. It's also encouraged me to write more and share my story via social media and the magazine's #ShareYourHeart campaign. (You can find my entires on Instagram at @jdelinde and the Heart Magazine's original post here.) 

@theheartmag #SmallisBigChallenge Day 15: Treat. 

Today's biggest treat is that my Dad turned sixty! My brothers and I are thrilled about being home to celebrate his birthday. He is the coolest dude and the best Dad a girl could ask for! After a tough year, celebrating is something that we love to do even more. We've each learned that life together is a gift.

I've also had the treat of having some amazing girlfriends in my life. These girls (pictured below) along with my cousin, Sarah Nicole have done a lot of life together since we were kids. From elementary school through college and soon into our thirties, we have lived full lives. From junior high cheerleading, Spring Lake church camp, first loves, bad break-ups and teenage independence, to degrees, careers, cross-country moves, many girls nights out, weddings and motherhood; even family heartache, disappointment and divorce--we have seen God's sweet bond of friendship continue to weave stories and memories in our lives.

Tara, Victoria, Rachel, Dad, me and Amber in May 2006. *See this post to fill you in on my little white dress.

Tuesday evening, we received terrible and unexpected news that our childhood friend, Tara had passed away leaving behind three sweet kids and a best friend for a husband. Words are beyond the tender heartache of the last few days as tears can only speak of life's goodness and pain all same. 

Ironically that morning, I had publicly posted that through God's loving grace and mercy, I could still smile after hurt and heartache.

Three days later and in a much different heart condition, I still hold onto that promise because of this simple truth: "I believe heaven is for real. I know the Hope of heaven and the promise of Jesus Christ will heal and that God is still near."

To only share the bright smiles and happy highlights, I'd be missing out on the rest of the truth that makes it my story. Life is made up of the goods and bads, the highs and lows; success and failure, joy and pain, love and hurt. 

But I also believe life is truly fueled by love and hope and faith. I believe God's plans are so much bigger than we can imagine and that each of our lives have a greater purpose than we know.

I am so grateful for my girlfriends--those in Arkansas, California and across the country--that I get to love, laugh and "do" life with. Whether it's every day or on occasion, over text, FaceTime or phone calls, these are God's gifts; and at the end of my time, I want to have loved my friends, family and those around me freely and fiercely.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." -Alfred Lord Tennyson

Keep us all in your prayers!  

I love y'all to the moon and back.

xoxo

Jes

“No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” Romans‬ ‭8:37-38‬ 

A Mother's Day Love

 "I love you to the moon and back" my Mom would always write me in her notes.

And I believed every word. My Momma loved us three kids and I am so thankful that we knew love at an early age. My parents have been amazing examples of God's great love and I hope that the boys and I continue to carry on that legacy. 

Today for Mother's Day I will remember and celebrate with a tender heart. I will thank the Lord for giving me a good Momma and wish that she was still here, but I will also remember the Hope that still stands strong in my heart. God didn't leave me by myself--He gave me a DeDe, a Memaw, a great Daddy, two brothers, and four sweet, sweet aunts that I love--and big family and a whole lot of girlfriends, neighbors and ladies from church who love and mentor me.

And God didn't leave you by yourself either. He loves you. In the Bible, Jeremiah 31:3 says that "And the Lord says, I have loved you with an everlasting love and have drawn you in with a loving kindness." 

So today as we recognize our Mommas, Memaw, aunts, and best friends take a moment to thank them for their love. We need them and they are so special. Also take a moment to pray for those whose hearts are tender today. Send a text and remind them as they wait, they hurt, or they wish that God is not done writing their story. And that you love them and so does He. 

I love y'all to the moon and back!

xoxo

Jes

 “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy‬ ‭31:8‬ ‭

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-13‬ 

When I'm Weak

As an avid CrossFit enthusiast, I’ve learned to do pull-ups, squat cleans, clean and jerks, climb ropes, flip tires and now know words like WOD, AMRAP, and RFT. I’ve also learned that I’m physically stronger than I ever thought. The physical fitness has brought on a mental fitness where I’ve learned how to push beyond the muscle fatigue to meet (or beat!) the workout goal.

However in all of the physical fitness, there have been a few times when I wanted to quit. I wanted to literally quit the workout, skip the next exercise rep and walk away. In life, there have also been times that I wanted to quit the job, stop the work, forget the responsibility, leave the commitment and simply walk away.

Today’s WOD (Workout of the Day) was a 20 minutes AMRAP where you complete as many rounds as possible in the allotted time. Going into the workout, I had made a mental note to complete at least four rounds. I started off pretty strong, slowed down some in the third round, and pushed through the fourth to realize that I still had four minutes left on the time clock!

“Holy smokes, are you kidding me? I thought, I can’t make it through one more round. But I can’t sit around and wait for the time to expire either! “Lord, give me strength to finish.” I whispered while chalking my hands to jump up to the pull-up bar once more. As sweat was dripping down my face and my arm muscles were starting to burn, I barely busted out the last few pull-ups. From there I went onto next exercise and whispered again, “Give me strength, Lord.” as I took in a deep breath to finish the last set of lunges just before the buzzer went off.

I made it! Feeling quite accomplished and completely worn out, I laid down on the cool concrete to recover.  I had just complete five rounds--one more round than I thought that I could to start. As I caught my breath, I felt as though I heard God’s voice whisper in my heart, “For when you are weak, I am strong.” a Bible verse that I recognized.

My mind raced as I thought about the times in my life when I didn’t think I was strong enough to finish. When I kept seeing no while waiting for a yes, when my guy walked out and the heartache was fierce, when my boss couldn't see the worth of my work and perfection was defeating, when my commitment to teach stood in the way of the evening of fun or my fight to stand firm when the right thing wasn't cool. 

In those times, I had whispered the same prayer. While God's strength didn't always change my circumstances, it gave me the confidence to have faith in His power and persevere in His truth. It allowed me to finish even when I was stretched thin. God's strength changed my attitude [perspective] and gave a peace in my heart do the work, bear the disappointment or carry on through. 

I’ve said many times, “God must think I’m strong.” as I endured trial after trial, but the truth is, He is the One who is strong. I'm simply the one who asks for His power. Because when I am weak, He is strong. 

xoxo

Jes

P.S. Where do you need His strength today?

"I can do this through Christ who gives me strengths. " Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

“But The Lord said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 9 & 10b (NIV) 

"I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus is calling us. " Philippians 3:14 (NIV)