Dear Change, We Don't Always Love You.

Why is change so hard?

May I let that question sit with you for a minute? Tomorrow I’ll have the opportunity to speak to a group of women at the Leadership Education Seminar. My topic is “Turnover & Transition” an eloquent title defined by change as we ask, “How do we lead through the change?”.  

Change is all around us. It’s in our personal life, a new season of life, at home or in the workplace, it’s in our relationships and community; it’s happening. Kids are taking their first steps, friends moving into new homes, graduates are starting college, parents are aging and friends are getting married and/or having babies. As I’ve heard them say in the South, “we’re all in the thick of it together.”

Whether it’s anticipated or unexpected, it’s the new. And we make the choice to either embrace it or resist it. What will you do? What’s changing in your life? What do you wish you could or could not change?

Most of the time my head screams embrace it, but my heart whispers wait, don’t. Other times, I can’t wait for things to change. (I’ll talk more about living in the “wait” in my next post.) Regardless of how the change comes, I’m praying that we’ll have the courage to welcome it. We want to be compassionate about the new, lean into the growth and opportunity with a smile and continue to remember that each season has a reason and a purpose.

Welcome, my friend. Change and new adventure awaits. What will you chose to do with it?

xoxo
Jes

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

If we're in a season of change, may we simply readjust our sails.  

Highlights & Real Life

Why do I keep comparing your highlight reel to my behind-the-scenes real life?  

I love seeing your pictures. I love the vacations pics, the killer workouts and progression, the smiling kiddos, the beautiful beach pictures, perfectly made dinners on the table and your best selfies. I love seeing all of your adventures too. 

But here's what I'm sometimes missing - those are only your highlights. Those are the moments you and I choose to share with the world on social media. They are a part of the story, not necessarily the entire story.  If I know there's more to my story than what I'm sharing with you (and I'm sure it's the same with yours!) then why do we compare others' highlights to our behind-the-scenes real life?

Why do I keep doing it? I think it's the same reason everyone back then was keeping up with the Joneses. Who are the Joneses in the first place? And why are we struggling and sacrificing to keep up with people we don't even really know?  

Within a few minutes of scrolling through my Instagram or FB feed, I'm inadvertently making a presumption on what I think your real life is like and assuming that I need what you have to make mine better. Isn't that where the trouble begins?

I start to lose perspective on the blessings that God has given me. All of a sudden the things that have been entrusted to me get a second rate. They are no longer as great as they were and now need to be upgraded at my (or someone else's!) expense.  

Here's what I'm learning in the midst of living my real-time, behind-the-scenes life: 

1) Comparision is the thief of all joy. It takes away our contentment with who/what we have. The fastest way to flip a feeling of blessing upside down is to look around and realize what you don't have. Don't do it. Take time to be grateful for your life, your people, and your things. As often times, you and I are doing and giving our best with what we have. Let's make time to write down our blessings. It can begin as simple as thanking God for the Keurig coffee pot, the cute ceramic Starbucks mug and the hot coffee to get your day started. Start small. Try it! When we're grateful, it changes our perspective to focus on the One who provides the blessings and makes life a lot more fun! 

2) What we display on social media isn't always the full story. I wish it was, but it's not. Let's be honest. Do you share every detail of your life? Of course not and we wouldn't want you to! The last two of my three vacations were interrupted with crisis. Did I share that? No, I posted the best picture of the beach to remind me how great life truly is. And it is! But it's also so stinkin' challenging too. Keep in mind that we're giving and sharing a little snapshot of our lives and don't always get to see or post the entire story line and pictures. 

3) If we begin to want her best, we also have to take her worst. When we begin to want someone else's best (their highlights!), we have to be ready to take on their worst. We can't have one without the other. I had a friend jokingly say, "I wish I was you!" as she knows better. Yes, life is a lot of fun right now, but it hasn't come without loss, costs, challenges and sacrifice.

Keep that in mind as everyone has a full story! Social media isn't real life. It's only a small reflection of our lives as "real life" is meant to be done with your people - yes, the ones right in front of you.

If you find yourself stuck in someone else highlights, take time to get to know them. Ask, meet, and do life with them to find out the rest of the story as you may be surprised! 

Please don't stop sharing your photos! Please post them, tag me and let me "like" them with a grateful and compassionate heart for you! 

Thinking of your highlight reel, what's one piece of advice you'd give to those on the outside looking in?

xoxo
Jes

P.S. See that picture above? Highlight scene: Punta Cana vacation in the Dominican Republic Memorial Day weekend 2016. Real life scene: Celebrating my Dad's birthday, my youngest brother's birthday, and giving a eulogy at my childhood bestie's funeral all in the same week to then catch a flight to the DR for a wedding.What a real and crazy week of my life!

"Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great gain. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave. Be sure to guard what God has entrusted to you." 1 Timothy 6:6-7,20a

"Love must be sincere. Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other genuinely and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality." Romans 12:9-13

Be Present: Right here, Right now.

"Did you see that?” I asked the girl sitting next to me. We were in the stands of one of Major League Baseball’s biggest games of the year and she was missing it!

This game featured the best of the best - players who had set records, beat records and made modern-day history. They hit homers out of the park and threw fastballs over ninety-eight miles an hour, yet all around me, sat fans who were missing the moment. They there for the game, but weren't present for the moment.

Modern-day technology and social media has revolutionized the way we communicate and now share information, but it's also caused a slow, lingering second effect where we are sometimes more caught up in capturing the moment instead of being in the moment and it’s causing us to miss what’s happening right in front of us. 

God never intended for us to miss out on this life. He created us with five senses, emotional intelligence and the ability to experience life firsthand through the lens of our eyes and our hearts. The Bible reminds us in Psalm 90:1 "Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts." We gain wisdom by remembering our life on this earth has purpose, but is short and temporary. Jesus came so that we may have life and experience it to the fullest through his free gift of grace and salvation.

I’m not asking to you to stop snapping pictures or taking videos from now on. Our technology tools are valuable in helping us tell our story and mark moments of history. However, I am asking for you to give a second thought to pulling out your technology device to capture everything - because when the lens of our camera captures everything, the lens of heart sometimes miss things.

We only get to live life once. We. get. this. moment. once. We don't get to rewind or redo the stories of our lives, so I encourage you to take time to set down your phone to watch your little one take those next couple of steps or turn off the TV and sit around the dinner table with your people, watch the ball game without the camera live or enjoy a good cup of coffee with a friend without first “checking in” and simply be in the moment.

May we be people who are wise in our hearts and live life in the present.

xoxo

Jes

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are short." Ephesians‬ ‭5:15-16

My guy and I excited for the MLB All-Star Game

Are We the Change?

Reading headline after headline in today's newspaper, my heart begins to ache. Do we ever report good news? There's so much going on in the world today. Chaos, destruction, fear, prejudice, and division is splattered all over the media - from reading about the slain officers in Dallas, to the tragic destruction in France and Orlando, my heart easily becomes overwhelmed. If the world is like this now - what is it going to be like when my kids grow up? (We still have some time, but you see what I mean?!) 

So what can we do? It's a big world and sometimes it doesn't feel as if I can really make a difference. This is large scale stuff. And I'm only one person. Only one person without a tv show, big platform or powerful campaign. One person with a blog at best - maybe -reaches a hundred people on a really good week.

With that small sphere of influence, what can I do, what can you do to make a difference in a big world?
Be the change that we want to see.  

We can be kind. We can be generous. We can treat others with respect. We can choose kindness over harsh, critical words. We can chose to see the best in someone. We can have compassion. We can forgive. We can serve. We can volunteer. We can love. We can pray. We can choose hope and faith over despair and discouragement. 

"Let us not become weary in doing what is good, for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to all people. Galatians 6:9

We get to choose and help write the headlines of our lives. Maybe we can't create world peace overnight, but we can choose to serve and love our neighbors. We can make a choice to do the next right thing. And little by little, we create change. 

Officer Hopps from Walt Disney's new movie Zootopia said it best in her final graduation speech, "When I was a kid I thought Zooptopia was this perfect place. Where everyone got along and anyone could be anything. Turns out real life is a little bit more complicated than a slogan on a bumper sticker. Real life is messy. We all have limitations. We all make mistakes. Which means, hey, glass half full, we all have a lot in common. And the more we try to understand one another, the more exceptional each of us will be. But we have to try. So no matter what type of animal you are. From the biggest elephant to our first fox - I implore you, try. Try to make the world a better place. Look inside of yourself and recognize that change starts with you. It starts with me. It starts with all of us."

Yes, it starts with us. In Ghandi's famous pinned words, "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." There's no accident that you and I are here in this time in history.  Let's do our part. 

xoxo
Jes

P.S. So your neighbor is a jerk? Be kind today. Yes, it may hurt, but try. Cookies, flowers, something to begin a change of kindness. Look around your world. What can you do today to make a difference?

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And Jesus said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22: 36-39

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. All over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts." Colossians 3:12-15a

Breaking up with Perfection

It's official. I'm calling it quits with perfectionism. Perfect(ism) and I have had a relationship go on just a little too long and it's finally time to break up.  

As a first-born and big sister boss of two brothers, striving for perfection has been in my world many years. I've wanted things to go my way and be nice and tidy, and perfect as it should be. Cheerleading captain - check. High school honors - check. Full college scholarship - check. Study abroad - check. Cool first job - check. Cute guy - check. Adorable house near the beach - check. Perfection has been this elusive, ideal version of myself and my world that I've been constantly chasing for years, that is, until things didn't go the way I had planned. My white-picket fence, southern story-book life was turned upside down and has never quite been the same since. Yet, as much as I know life isn't perfect, I still want it to be. 

As I want things to go the way I planned and had hoped them to be reality sets in again - my world, your world, our world and our people aren't perfect...and neither are we! So we get let down and disappointed, we burn the cookies, stain the dress, knock over the glass or miss the cue...and sometimes when those things don't go as planned our feelings get hurt and hearts get broken. 

Each unperfect [marred] expectation leaves a little mark of disappointment, discouragement, and discontentment on my heart. It can easily end up hurting my relationships, friendships and teammates; my things (vacations, projects and parties), and my hopes and my dreams. When things don't turn out exactly how I wanted, I can find myself not enjoying the blessing of opportunity that I do have right in front of me. 

We won't ever be perfect this side of heaven. We're banged up, fearfully and wonderfully made, imperfect people trying to be perfect, trying to make perfect and we are wearing ourselves out! 

So in the break-up (and you're welcome to join me!), I'm learning to trade in perfection for excellence. 

Whoa. What? 

Hear me out: Excellence is a talent or quality that is unusually good and surpasses ordinary standards. Wikipedia goes on to say that excellence is a moving target that can be pursued with actions of integrity. Perfection on the other hand is something of absolute completeness and flawlessness, correct in every detail. 

While I can't always do things perfectly every single time, but I can commit to doing them with excellence each time. Doing something extremely well, with integrity and my best might gives way for the opportunity to let my perfect, not-so-perfect expectations off the hook. With this perspective, it even leaves room for a little grace and celebration with and for our people. So things didn't go perfectly, BUT I gave it my very best and she did too. I did what I could to the best of my ability with great preparation and effort..and while that _______ didn't go quite as I had planned, it still was good. What's not to be proud of then? 

So who's with me? May we strive for excellence over perfection and live a life of doing things well.  

xoxo
Jes

 “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.” Colossians‬ ‭3:23-24‬ 

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:8-11